Shame

The inspiration for this poem…

When a poet finds a metaphor that perfectly encapsulates a significant idea it is cause for celebration! That is how I felt about small dogs carried in bags- they reminded me of things we feel responsible for that are hard to put down. I don’t mean to suggest that there’s anything wrong with those sweet little bundles that we choose to carry and care for. While it is true that I am more of a cat person (which may be why this metaphor worked so well for me) I do know how important all our pets are. However, shame can also become a bundle that feels impossible to put down. We can get attached to it, it can feel very familiar to us, and it may become an attachment we need to question or even challenge. As a teacher I came home many nights to a needy dog who was offering me love, but also needed too much from me. After a day of dealing with neediness I could not handle the pressure. Petting her took some weight off my shoulders, but I learned to hand her off to my husband as a means of my own self-care because it felt like I could never pet her enough, or feed her enough, or walk her enough. That was exactly what shame felt like. While it spurred me on toward healing because the weight of it was exhausting, it took a long time to recognize it as something that I could just set down. Whew! What a relief and a revelation to understand that I could simply do that and walk away. We don’t walk away from our pets, but we certainly can walk away and close the door on our shame. It does not deserve the attention and feeding that our pets do! As a teacher I was told that you could tell what a teacher believed about learning by how they divided up the day with their students. Are you happy with how your life is divided up? You can cut ties with your shame and blow that flame out.

Writing/Meditation Prompts:

• Take a paper plate (or draw a circle) and divide up your attention. What gets the most from you, and is it worthy of your time? How would you divide things differently? Do you need some help??

• What is sucking you dry like a monster you have to spoon feed? What is it that demands your continual petting and will never let you stop?

• What is most worthy of your attention??

• Are there things that all you have to do is set them down and walk away from to be free of them? What would that look like for you?

• Play around with personifying your shame (sadness, grief…) as an animal or an inanimate object. What would you do with it??