Why

The inspiration for this poem…

I wrote this poem about an incident in 1973 when I was 15 and had finally convinced my mom to pack up and leave. I was so scared but never felt so empowered. Then despair came as the reality sank in that there was nowhere to go. Turning into the church parsonage was devastating because I knew what the outcome of that would be because the pastor himself was afraid of my father, and I knew how strongly he believed in the sanctity of a wife’s submission. The only thing that surprised me was the speed with which he shamed us into turning around and heading back home. I don’t know if his fear of my father or his fear of God was greater but the combination of them both led him to send us back into the lion’s den. He never asked how it turned out. My mother followed suit by never mentioning it again. The next morning she cooked breakfast for a king with flushed cheeks and red lipstick. I had to sit back and watch her every move calculated to smooth over any visible bumps. She never wore lipstick before (had she been biting her lips?) and he never looked so accomplished. I couldn’t look at either of them. This was a significant moment, among many others, where I knew I couldn’t count on either of them or the God they offered. I was on my own.

Writing/Meditation Prompts:

• Can you describe a moment of “no turning back” in a relationship?

• Have you experienced a time when it was suddenly clear that you were “on your own”.

• When did this first dawn on you?? What did you do or not do in response? Any regrets??

• Can you remember a time that defined how you viewed God, religion, the church, or spirituality (or the lack thereof)??

• Who do you need to share your writing with?