Marguerite Ruth

The inspiration for this poem…

A version of this poem won first place in the Idaho Writer’s Guild Conference open mic night competition in 2013. The audience did laugh at the initial admonition to “never name your cat after your mother” before I added the line, “Even if she couldn’t say your name for her last 12 years…”. As crazy as it may sound, this poem was based on the truth of the mistake I made. I was so distraught after the accident occurred that writing this poem was the only thing that even came close to speaking out loud how terrible I felt and how triggering the experience was to my mother’s actual death. This was no gimmick or sarcastic way to get to the topic. It happened naturally and in real time. I simply recorded how it all went down and how it left me feeling. My mother and I shared a very complicated relationship. To be honest, naming my cat after her was probably one of the only ways I could think of at the time to try and hold her close to me. I had no idea how tragically it would end, and it was a stark reminder of how tragically her life ended, but the poem helped me work through the twists and turns in what I was feeling. Poetry has a way of taking you to places you might never be able to go without it.

Writing/Meditation Prompts:

• Sit with the death of someone or something you loved. Visualize their face, hands, eyes, etc. Feel their energy. Did you get to properly experience their life? And did you get to properly say goodbye? Is there something left to say? Say it.

• Have you had a tragic experience you can’t let go of? Try your hand at writing it down either in great detail or in a hazy detached way that might be more doable. Write whatever comes to mind- even if it seems crazy, off topic, or sounds fake. Read it back over taking in what it has to teach you. At least that much is now outside of you, and when that happens you have a chance to see it in a new light.

• Notice what you wrote. It may surprise you how detached it sounds, or mechanical, or silly. Take note. Can you see anything between the lines? Writing is thinking and so it is always a window into your mind and often your heart.